


Living With Ghosts I: You Never Get What You Want

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-05
Updated: 2002-02-05
Packaged: 2018-11-20 15:37:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11338365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	Living With Ghosts I: You Never Get What You Want

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Living With Ghosts I: You Never Get What You Want

## Living With Ghosts I: You Never Get What You Want

#### by Susan

Title: Living With Ghosts I: You Never Get What You Want  
Author: Susan  
Feedback to:   
Author's Website: http://www.geocities.com/xfox7/  
Status: Complete  
Category: Unclassified  
Pairing (Primary): Mulder/Krycek  
Pairing(s) (Secondary):   
Crossover Fandom (if any):   
Crossover Info (if any):   
Other Pairing Info:   
Rating: R  
Spoilers: No particular spoilers, but takes place in the seventh season.  
Permission to Archive:   
Series or Sequel/Prequel:   
Notes: A series based on songs from Patty Griffin's album, Living With Ghosts.  
Warnings:   
Disclaimer:   
Summary: 

* * *

You Never Get What You Want  
Part 1 of Living With Ghosts 

Everything's always such a mystery  
Including your sad little history  
Do you still think someone should take responsibility and pay Ever since I've known you you've walked that walk You've broken all the records  
Now you've broken all the clocks  
And every time it breaks my heart to hear you talk this way You never get what you want  
You never get what you want and I don't think it's my fault \--Patty Griffin 

* * *

"Mulder, you're such a sorry son of a bitch sometimes, I swear!" 

Krycek trained his gun on the kneeling agent before him. Not wanting Mulder to realize how rattled he actually was, Alex muttered under his breath instead of cursing aloud as he wanted to. Gripping the gun tightly, he grumbled, "You have got to have the worst timing of any man I know. Jesus!" 

Alex had been routinely "cleaning" Mulder's apartment for several months now, making sure that all the bugs and video surveillance were dismantled and destroyed. He censored the Consortium's access to their favorite little G-man. He also went about censoring Mulder's knowledge a bit, too, by removing any object or piece of information that could possibly get the agent into trouble, either with the smoking bastard or with Skinner. Who knows how Mulder got some of the things he did. Krycek realized the danger in Mulder knowing too much too soon - so, he had to control that flow of knowledge. Mulder may find things, but he never had them in his grasp long enough to know the whole story behind them. 

All had gone well with his regular break-ins. Yes, Mulder was always upset when something turned up missing, but Alex would rather have him alive and ignorant than dead and enlightened. Sometimes he did reward him with little gifts - an address or a phone number, a random picture - but these were carefully chosen, so as not to reveal too much. Mulder was like a kid in a candy shop when he found the gifts, immediately calling Scully and the Gunmen, talking in a heightened voice, fidgeting excitedly. 

Until tonight, everything had been going as planned. Just as Alex was crushing the last bug, he heard key twisting in the lock. There had been just enough time to duck into the shadows before the man walked into his apartment. Thank God he hadn't turned on the light. As Mulder leaned over his desk to check his answering machine, Alex quickly moved to stand behind him, pressing his gun into Mulder's back. //Here we go again.// 

Now, standing over the man, Alex felt the old familiar tugs in his chest. He hated this man. He loved this man. How these two feelings could coexist was beyond him. They just did, and he didn't fight them. Why would he risk his life to save Mulder's? Because he loved him more than anyone. Why was he angry now? Because he knew what was coming, and he hated Mulder for it. Mulder fought against his feelings, letting out the hate instead of the love. After the three hours he had just spent on Mulder's behalf, he was damned if he was going to let the agent beat on him tonight. The asshole just didn't appreciate him. 

"What the fuck are you doing home? You're supposed to be out of town." Krycek couldn't stop from venting. "You'd better have a good explanation." 

Mulder turned his head to stare at Krycek incredulously. His jaw fell open. Alex stood with the gun loosely aimed, a frown playing around his lips and his eyebrows drawn close together. 

"You gonna answer me, or what?" 

Mulder bust out laughing. He fell to the floor on his side, clutching his stomach with his hands, his shoulders shaking. Krycek shifted his weight to his other foot and crossed his arms, taking the gun off his target. Mulder knew he wouldn't shoot him, so what was the point? 

"Something funny?" 

Gasping for breath, Mulder glanced sideways at him. Seeing the indignant look on Alex's face, a new outbreak of giggles started. "You...you're like...a mother!" He ended the sentence with a snort, which made him laugh more. 

Alex's next question, "Mulder, have you been drinking?" didn't have the desired effect, just making the agent laugh harder. 

"No! Hahahahahaha..." The older man rolled onto his back, his hands resting behind his head. His chuckles slowed eventually, and his chest rose and sank quickly, his breath short. "Alex, what are you doing here?" 

The sound of his first name shocked him into silence. He stared down at the man laid out before him, and licked his dry lips. Mulder sat up, resting his weight on his hands behind him, crossing his ankles. 

"You come to tidy up my apartment for your bastard friends again? I know you're the one stealing all my information." The spark in Mulder's eyes and the smirk on his face convinced Krycek that the agent knew he was picking a fight. 

Krycek picked up his foot and lowered the boot-clad limb to rest atop Mulder's groin, causing the other man to shy away a bit. 

"Don't be disrespectful, Fox, or I just may have to punish you." Alex watched Mulder's anger gather on his face, loving the changing expressions of his agent. "Now, don't get hot under the collar. I just think you shouldn't go around pointing your finger until you're sure of what you're saying. Understand?" 

Mulder jumped up and pressed his face close to Krycek's. His voice was gritty. "I think we both know what you've done." His hands were clenched by his sides. 

"Do we? Do you, Mulder? I don't think so." Krycek uncrossed his arms, but kept his gun by his side. He was enjoying Mulder's closeness, drinking in the smell of the man, focusing his eyes on first his full lips then moving on to the swell of his chin. Alex smiled. "You'd have killed me by now if you knew." 

"How do you know I won't kill you now?" 

"Because you can't. You won't." 

"Yes I will, you fucking prick." Mulder lunged at him, but landed on the floor, flat on his face when Krycek easily moved aside. 

It was Alex's turn to laugh. "Now THAT'S funny." 

He watched as Mulder sat up, rubbing his nose, grouching about how it was probably broken. Krycek stretched out a hand, silently offering to help Mulder up. A few beats passed before the older man pressed his warm hand into Alex's, springing off the floor and onto his feet. Alex maintained a grip on Mulder's hand, staring at the joined hands for a minute before moving his eyes to meet Mulder's, seeing a reciprocal spark there. Mulder stepped away, pulling his palm from the grip. 

"What the hell are you doing, Krycek?" 

Alex sighed. 'I hate him,' he thought. He tucked his gun into the waistband of his faded black jeans and sat down on the couch. 

"Mulder, you may be avoiding how you feel, but I know. I keep coming back for a reason. Don't you get it? Or are you just completely blind?" At Mulder's deliberately blank look, he rubbed his eyes and muttered, "Like you'd tell me. Mr. Denial." 

"What are you talking about?" Mulder wore an expression of mock confusion. "Oh. Now I get it! Well, I guess I should be flattered that you're attracted to me, but ..." Mulder put his hands on his hips with a smug grin. "Poor Krycek, pining away for someone he can never have." 

Krycek was on his feet and pulling Mulder's head back by his hair before the agent even knew what was happening. He noticed the fear that flashed in Mulder's eyes as well as the excitement. He leaned his face closer, watching the hazel eyes as he did. Alex gently ran his tongue across Mulder's lower lip, then dipped it into the crevice between before pressing his own lips to them. He kept his eyes open, watching Mulder's response as he felt it. The other man closed his eyes and tilted his head slightly. Alex pulled away, Mulder's lips following his for a second before he realized what he was doing. Krycek smiled at the guilty expression on Mulder's face. 

"Never doubt that if I wanted you that way, I would have you. I just happen to want you willing." Alex released Mulder, pushing away from him to return to the couch. He mentally claimed victory as he sank back into the couch, splaying his legs lewdly to get Mulder's attention. But Mulder refused to look at him, walking to the window to stare out into the darkness instead. 

Krycek sat up straight and sighed. "Mulder, I love you. Therefore, I take care of you. I take out all the surveillance in your apartment as fast as they install it. I watch your back. I know you don't appreciate it. You treat me like shit. And I fucking hate you for it. But, I also know what you really feel. 'Cause just like me, you come back for it again and again - come back for me." Alex stood up and walked to where Mulder was standing, stalking him as if he were prey. 

Mulder watched warily as he approached. Though his eyes agreed with Krycek's words, he opened his mouth to protest. "I...I don't want you. You've deceived me at every turn. Why would I want you?" He backed up, pressing his body against the blinds on the window, the slats flattening against the glass, darkening the room a bit more. 

"Because you can't stop it - this thing between us. You can fight it, but it'll never disappear." Krycek moved his hand up to cup Mulder's face, pulling him closer even as the agent shied away. "When you're not thinking, you respond to me. Your body responds to me." 

Krycek pressed the length of his body into the older man's, feeling Mulder's erection as he brushed his own against him. He whispered into Mulder's ear, "Turn off your mind for a minute, Mulder. Just feel what's it like." Lowering his mouth, Alex again kissed him, increasing the pressure of his lips as his tongue delved deeper into Mulder's now willing mouth. Alex felt the agent's response - a slight press of his groin into Alex's and a quiet sigh, swallowed by the kiss. Krycek pulled away, wanting to see Mulder's reddened lips and dilated eyes. The man's ruffled hair and lustful expression took the younger man's breath away. 

"Mulder," he whispered before grabbing his face again, kissing him harder. He stopped short, however, when he felt the end of a gun pressing into his stomach. 

Mulder had grabbed the gun while Alex was preoccupied and now had it turned on him. 

"Krycek, I want you to leave now. I don't need any more of your 'help.' If I'm going to take down these assholes, then I need to play the game by myself. I've got to find Samantha and make them pay..." 

"You're so fucking sad! Is that the only thing you care about in the entire world? Figuring out this jigsaw puzzle of life? Finding the culprit? Making someone pay for what happened years ago? You're never going to end it! They're always two steps ahead of you. It'll never change." 

Mulder pressed the gun harder into his abdomen. Tears welled at the corners of his eyes. His voice was gravelly and low. "Fuck you. You don't know anything about me or my sister." 

Alex softened his face and lowered his voice. "She's gone, Mulder. Has been for years. Just...give it up. It kills me to see you tear yourself apart like this. Let it go." 

Mulder stared at Krycek, his eyes steely. The gun in his hand shook and his finger tightened on the trigger. "You fucking bastard! I should shoot you right now and put both of us out of our misery." 

Alex stood very still, his eyes pleading with Mulder to accept him. After a few minutes of silence and stillness, the agent calmed, his breath evening out and eyes saddening. He shook his head as a tear slipped down his cheek. "Why should I believe a word you say? You've always lied to me. What makes this time different from any other?" 

Alex grabbed Mulder's shoulder and shook him gently. "Because I'm tired of lying. I'm sick of seeing you hurt and upset." He sighed. "It won't end until you stop searching." Alex tightened his grip. "They're killing us, Mulder. And we're letting them. We should walk away from their games. Focus on what we can do and leave them to their own diversions." 

"I can't, Alex. Not until I know the truth." Mulder lowered the gun, then tucked it back into the front waistband of Krycek's jeans, his hands lingering on Alex's waist for a moment. He looked cautiously at the younger man before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around the other man's taut body. His words were muffled by Alex's shoulder. "I can't." 

Alex held Mulder, stroking his back. He was silent, thinking. He brushed a light kiss on the older man's forehead, and he knew at that moment that holding this man was all he ever wanted. 

"OK, Mulder." He sighed. "I understand. But...?" 

Mulder looked up at him. "What?" 

"At least let me in - don't shut me out. I can help you. Really help you." Alex caught the other man's eyes with his own and held them. "Will you let me?" 

Mulder studied him. "I'll think about it." When he saw the frown forming on Alex's face, he sighed. "Please. Give me some time to think." Mulder smiled shyly. "Do you know how strange this is?" 

Krycek's frown changed slowly into a tiny smile. "Yes, I guess I do." He pulled Mulder's head back onto his shoulder, petting the soft hair as he whispered into Mulder's ear, "I will always wait for you. No matter what." 

* * *

Everybody's been sad, everybody's been tragic  
Whole lot of hard times, whole little bit of magic  
These bitter, bitter fruits and the endless hallways  
They're killing us, baby  
We gotta walk away, walk away.  
\-- Patty Griffin 

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Susan 


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